5 Power Phrases to Respond Rather Than React to Kids
Most of us have had a moment of regret after handling a parenting situation badly. Whether it's yelling, saying something unkind, or storming off instead of talking, those moments can leave a lasting impression on our child and leave us with a lot of guilt and shame.
These crisis moments often come on suddenly and bring up a lot of intense, sudden emotion. And no matter how much we know we should respond rather than react, it's pretty common for our brains to start a stress response before the more developed part of our thinking can catch up.
The good news is that you can create a shortcut to knowing exactly what to say.
These power phrases can be your go-to when tension is high, unexpected news takes you by surprise, or any other time when you need some space to figure out what to do next.
"It's okay to feel that way."
Best for: kids' unexpected feelings, big reactions, acting out, declarations like, "I hate everything."
"I hear you.”
Best for: intense emotions, complaints that are hard to hear, situations where the next step is unclear.
"I'm sorry that happened. I'm here for you."
Best for: bad news,
"I need some space."
Best for: when you feel overwhelmed, when your boundaries aren't being respected, when you need to consult with someone else to know what to do next and can't answer right away.
"How do you feel about that?"
Best for: when you're tempted to give advice, when you're unsure what's needed, news that comes with varying reactions
When it comes to the next step, remember to take a mindful deep breath and trust your instincts.
You can still maintain your relationship with your child during and after a conflict, which is made much easier when you can respond in an empowered way rather than react out of fear.
Every child is different, so you may find your own power phrases are a little different than these. Keep practicing validating feelings and taking care of yourself - you and your family can navigate even the toughest of situations.