What Disrespectful Behavior from Kids Really Means

Whether it catches us by surprise, or if it’s something that has become alarmingly consistent, defiance and disrespectful behavior from your kiddo is always a difficult situation to navigate.

Usually it comes on the heels of a request or a direction that you’ve given, and all of a sudden you’ve been pulled into a heated exchange with your child. 

Disrespectful behavior is rarely just for disrespect’s sake, however. More often than not, disrespectful behavior arises out of something that is bothering your child, and that may have little or nothing to do with the request or direction you gave.

Tapping into that source can help to make dealing with disrespectful behavior easier in the moment, and will be more likely to curb it in the future.

Where does it come from?

Sometimes, disrespectful behavior can be an expression of negative emotionality. Kids who have a hard time expressing anger, fear, sadness, or other emotions may lash out in a manner that is disrespectful.

Children are still in the process of learning about and understanding their own emotions, so sometimes angry defiance is a way of putting some sort of expression to other emotions. 

In other cases, the disrespectful behavior has a more functional origin: children will act disrespectfully to test the boundaries that have been placed on them.

Sometimes kids will cross the line in order to confirm where the line actually is and test the consequences for crossing it.

There is a delicate balance between giving children the necessary structure to thrive and develop while also giving them the freedom to explore.

This isn’t to say that disrespectful behavior is something that should just be tolerated. Without corrective action, disrespectful behavior is more likely to continue rather than subside, but the approach to that corrective action is key to getting the results you want