Mindset Matters: How to Help Kids with Anxiety about the Future

Kids experience a lot of different changes as they grow. There’s a lot of information out there for parents about how to navigate the physical and mental changes that kids go through, but sometimes we feel left in the dark when it comes to how kids grow emotionally.

In part, that’s because every kid is so different--physical and mental growth can be slightly more predictable, so it’s easier to know what to expect when they reach different milestones.

There are so many factors that determine a child’s emotional growth that it can be hard to give general advice.

HeyKiddo™ Talk is designed to help parents build a strong foundation of social, emotional, and leadership skills with their children with tools and activities that are flexible enough for every child’s needs.

Over time, positive behavior solutions like mindfulness practices and reframing after failure become habits that have an important influence on your child’s overall development.

Mindset is an important skill that can help in a difficult moment but has even stronger effects as the habit builds over time.

Generally speaking, there are two different kinds of mindsets that kids (and adults!) can have--we call them fixed and flexible. You may have heard another term from psychologist Carol Dweck who has done a lot of research on what she calls “growth mindset.”

No matter what you call it, the ability to reflect on your attitudes and reactions to situations is an important emotional and mental skill.

A fixed mindset is a way of thinking that’s set in stone. Phrases that indicate a fixed mindset might be:

• I’ll never get it right.

• This is impossible.

• I’m terrible at this.

• I always mess up.

A flexible mindset focuses on elements of a situation that you can control and moves you to thinking about the solutions to a problem. Phrases that indicate a flexible mindset include:

• I’ll try again.

• I need more practice.

• I didn’t get it this time, but I learned a lot.

• Next time, I’ll ask for help.

Having a flexible mindset can help kids reframe failure and not take mistakes personally. It can also help with anxiety about the future.

Over the pandemic, parents reported hearing more feelings of hopelessness and despair from their children, like:

• This is never going to end.

• I’m never going to get to see my friend again.

• I missed out on a lot.

• Nothing is ever going to be the same again.

A flexible mindset isn’t about putting a positive spin on everything and pretending nothing is wrong.

But instead of saying, “Oh, that’s not true” or “It’s not that bad,” parents can help kids get in the habit of using flexible mindset strategies to move forward with a deeper sense of calm.

Here’s what those fixed phrases would look like with a flexible mindset makeover during the pandemic:

• This is never going to end. → This has been a really tough year but I know I can get through anything.

• I’m never going to get to see my friend again. → I really miss my friends. I’ll ask Mom if she has any ideas about how we can get together.

• I missed out on a lot this year. → This year sucked! But those things that happened taught me a lot.

• Nothing is ever going to be the same again. → I wonder what the future holds for me and I’m excited to find out.

Part of the reason that mindset is a skill that really builds over time is because depending on your child’s age, they may not be able to think about their emotions and experiences in a logical, concrete way.

Kids enter a new stage of cognitive development between the ages of 7 and 11, and start thinking critically about situations. B

efore this, talking to your child logically about how they feel about a situation might not be a productive solution.

Have you ever tried to reason with a toddler about why they can’t eat candy off the floor? Yeah...it’s like that.

But once the concrete operational developmental stage begins, logical communication and thinking start to be possible for kids. 

No matter where your child is in their cognitive development, what matters most is how you model problem-solving through mindset.

Even if your child can’t actively reframe their thoughts yet, you can talk about your struggles and model what it looks and feels like to practice a flexible mindset.

Building this habit now means that your child will be ahead of the curve, making it easier for them to start on their own.

Try it out this week!

Talk to your child about something you’re worried about in the future. If you catch yourself in a fixed mindset thought, give it a makeover and tell your child what you’re doing and why.

They might shrug and go right on playing, but these small conversations add up to big personal growth.