Easy as ABC: Setting Better Goals with Kids

If you've ever had to break bad news to a kid after a plan fell through, you know how painful it can be to fall short.

Sometimes, those plans are unexpected and annoying, like the grocery store not having a favorite treat in stock or bad weather that cancelled a long-awaited outing.

Other times, it's a failure in planning like thinking you can fit more fun into a day at the amusement park than your family can handle or forgetting to wash a sports uniform before the big game.

No matter what happens, it's good for kids to learn how to handle failure, disappointment, and setbacks.

It's also good for kids to start learning how to set their own goals and manage their expectations. Skills like time management, critical thinking, and self-awareness all work together for the best outcomes.

One thing that adults often miss when it comes to goal-setting for kids is focusing on a single outcome.

For example, if your child has a goal to get an A on their next math test and doesn't hit the mark, they may miss opportunities for growth in other areas like resilience by treating "get an A" as the only acceptable outcome.

This is especially true when life's complexities make these goals harder to achieve, like when a younger sibling interrupts your sleep the night before the test.

Thinking about goals in a bigger way contributes to kids' ability to have a flexible mindset about their successes, allowing them to deal with failure in a productive way.

ABC Goals

There are lots of ways to think about setting goals, and one we really like for kids is giving a variety of options.

Thinking about A, B, and C goals relates success the same way that grades convey a range of successes so it's easier for kids to start thinking this way.

Let's take the example of "get an A on my next math test" and see what that looks like with ABC goals:

A Goal: get an A on my next math test

The A Goal represents the best possible outcome. In this case, everything lined up perfectly and the ultimate goal was acheived!

B Goal: improve my grade on my next math test by 10 points

The B Goal represents something that's still a great outcome that your child would be proud of. It's not quite the same as the A Goal, but would still feel really good to achieve.

C Goal: practice math for 10 extra minutes every day

The C Goal represents something that's very easily achieved. It usually has something to do with progress rather than a distinct outcome but still something that took more effort than not doing anything to reach a goal.

To set these goals, you can ask your child about the root of their goal including the emotions. ("What do you want to feel when you reach your goal? Proud? Happy? Excited?") This can help kids identify what the goal really means for them and what they're willing to do to achieve it.

You can use this method to plan your family activities too. For example, if you're going on vacation or spending the day together, what would a successful day look like?

Maybe an A goal is to do all the things on your family fun list, a B goal is to do one of those things, and C is to spend a few minutes connecting at some point in the day.

Post your family goals somewhere special so they can stay top of mind each day. Celebrate any wins and when failure comes up (because it will!) talk about what you can do next time to make A Goals easily to meet.