How to Give Kids Meaningful Choices

Quick question: what do you want to do today?

If you're like most people, to answer this open-ended question you probably start making mental calculations based on a lot of factors like how you feel, your schedule, what day it is, things you need to do today, and more. It might take you a while to decide.

Now, let's try another question:

Do you want to read a book or go to the movies?

That's a much easier question to answer!

Even as adults with lots of practice, making choices can be overwhelming.

Kids who are just learning how to make good choices need a bit more guidance, and how you phrase a question can help them build critical thinking and self-awareness skills by setting them up for success.

Dr. Kristy Brumfield, a child-centered play therapist and HeyKiddo contributor, reminds us that it's never too early to let kids start practicing choice. "Little choices for little kids, big choices for big kids."

That means practicing choice early by giving preschoolers and early elementary school kids more closed-ended choices like, "Do you you want to wear your blue shoes or your black shoes?"

Children at this age don't have the developmental skills yet to feel confident answering open-ended questions like, "What do you want to wear today?"

Choices like what to wear each day take a lot of factors like the activities you plan to do, the weather, what's clean, etc.

You can model making choices by explaining how you think through a decision. "When it's cold out, we need wear shoes that cover our toes outside. That's why you can choose between the blue or the black shoes."

As children grow, so do their options. You can continue modeling good choices the same way, developing your child's critical thinking skills.

Deciding what to have for dinner can open up this line of conversation, especially as kids start making more of their own food choices. You can offer choices in new ways that introduce values and priorities, such as making a decision to get takeout or to cook at home and how that affects finances, quality time together, nutrition, etc.

Adults have to make lots of decisions all day long, so we get a lot of practice. Remember that kids need guidance on the decision-making process, so match the type of question you ask to their developmental level.

If your child has difficulty making a choice, break it down into something smaller and offer some options. As life's decisions get more complex, they'll be ready to tackle anything that comes their way.