Ask HeyKiddo: Our Family Pet Is Going to Die--What Should I Tell My Kids?

My dog Remy has been in my kids' lives since they were born. I adopted Remy in college, so she's been a big part of my life for a lot longer. She's had some health issues in the past few years, but everything has taken a turn for the worst. The vet recommended that we end her life humanely, and I'm a mess. I don't know how to break the news to my kids (5 and 8) while I'm hurting so much. They know something is wrong because I cry a lot and don't have a lot of patience around them, but I just don't know what to say. What should I tell them?

All the pet-loving parents here on the HeyKiddo Crew send lots of love to you, Remy, and the whole family. No matter how much we know in our big, advanced brains that we'll have to say goodbye to pets, it's never easy.

Grief is a tough process even for kids, and made even more complex by ways that each member of the family has different relationships to the person, pet, event, or thing that has been lost.

Losing a beloved family pet hurts, but the inevitability of loss means that weathering the storm together can bring you closer and give your kids more resources to cope in the future.

Kids are very receptive and resilient, so the fact that they sense something is bothering you means that you don't have to wait anymore to have the conversation.

For kids this age, keep it simple and honest. Try not to use euphemisms about death. It's also okay to be honest about your feelings.

You could say, "Remy is very sick and will die soon. She is a big part of our family and we love her very much. I'm so sad that we have to feel this pain."

Then, leave room for the kids to ask any questions they have or share their own feelings.

It's important to remember that children's brain development at this age may mean they need more time to process their emotions, or they may not show an emotional reaction at all.

Kids' concerns about love and safety are very concrete, so instead of crying, your child may ask what will happen to their pet's food and toys. They may also appear to recover quickly and move on to something else, but bring up more questions later.

This is all normal and does not mean that your children care any less or don't feel as bad about the loss. It's simply a difference between the way kids and adults process emotions.

It's also okay to set boundaries around your self-care. You may not be able to be present with your children the same way when you are grieving this loss, and it's okay to tell them so.

You could say something like, "I'm feeling very sad about Remy and it's hard for me to stay focused right now. I'd like to be alone for 10 minutes and then we can finish making dinner together."

Just as you'd comfort your children, being open and honest about your feelings makes it possible for them to support you with a hug or kind words or just giving you space to feel bad.

Keep the conversation simple and straightforward, then allow everyone to feel their feelings. Repeat as often as necessary as you navigate this loss together.