Getting a message from daycare that your toddler hit another child or bit a classmate can bring up all kinds of feelings. If you’ve experienced this, you might have felt embarrassed, worried about other children getting hurt, or confused about why your little one is acting this way. 

These behaviors don't mean your child is bad or that you're doing something wrong as a parent. Understanding why it happens is the first step toward helping them learn safer ways to express themselves.

Key takeaways

• Toddler hitting and biting are common in early child development
• Understanding triggers helps prevent future incidents
• Parents and daycare providers can work together to address the behavior

Why is my toddler acting out at daycare?

Toddlers are still learning how to manage big feelings and interact with other people. They may understand simple rules, but being able to follow them when they're frustrated are two different things.

Hitting and biting can happen when:

• Toddlers don't yet have the communication skills, emotion regulation, or impulse control to handle a situation differently
• The behaviors are serving a purpose, such as getting a toy or attention and expressing discomfort or overwhelm

Daycare can introduce additional challenges:

• Sharing toys
• Navigating busy rooms
• Following group routines
• Interacting with other kids 

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, young children may act aggressively when they lack the self-control to manage their feelings and actions. The goal isn't to excuse hitting or biting. It's to understand what is contributing to the behavior so adults can respond effectively and help prevent it from happening again.

❗If you are concerned about your kiddo’s behavior with other kids or caregivers, check out our Parent’s Guide to Emotional Behavior.

5 common reasons toddlers hit or bite at daycare

Before deciding how to stop hitting or biting, it helps to understand what might be happening right before it occurs.

1. They don't have the words to express what they need

Imagine your toddler is playing with a favorite truck when another child reaches over and takes it. They feel frustrated but don't yet know how to say: "I was playing with that. Please give it back." Instead, they push or bite.

2. They're overwhelmed by big feelings

Toddlers experience a range of emotions, but their ability to regulate them is still developing. When a child becomes overwhelmed, they may react physically before they have time to think through what they're doing. 

🔍 For more specific tips and tricks to navigate big feelings with your kiddo, check out our Big Feelings Survival Guide. 

3. They're tired, hungry, or overstimulated

Daycare is usually a busy environment. There may be music playing, children talking, and toys everywhere. Add a missed snack, a short nap, or a particularly long day, and your toddler may have a harder time managing their behavior. Some toddlers also bite because of teething discomfort or because biting provides an interesting sensory experience and relief.

4. They're still learning about personal space and boundaries

Toddlers are still learning social rules and skills. They may cut to grab toys, push when someone gets too close, or bite during physical play without fully understanding how their actions affect others.

5. The behavior gets a reaction or helps them get what they want

Toddlers learn from what happens after their behavior. If hitting consistently results in another child giving up a toy, they may learn that hitting is an effective way to get what they want. Understanding the pattern can help caregivers teach alternative behaviors that meet the same need more safely.

How to stop the behavior

Once you have a better idea of why the behavior might be happening, you can begin working on a plan. The most effective approach combines immediate safety, consistent boundaries, and teaching what to do instead.

1. Respond immediately, calmly, and consistently

When your toddler hits or bites another child, the first priority is safety. Caregivers should calmly separate kids, check on the child who was hurt, and stop the behavior using a brief, clear statement.

For example:

• "I won't let you hit."
• "Hands are for gentle touches."
• "You can be angry, but you cannot hurt someone."

💡Avoid physical force or shaming your child as punishment. These responses can model the very behavior you're trying to change.

2. Teach them what to do instead

Telling a toddler what not to do is only half the lesson. They also need to learn what they can do when they're frustrated, excited, or trying to communicate a need.

For example:

• If your toddler bites when another child takes a toy, practice saying: "My turn," "I was playing," and "Stop!"
• If they hit when they feel angry or overwhelmed, teach them to move away, stomp their feet, or ask a caregiver for help

💡Practice these skills at home when your child is calm. Using simple gestures, picture cards, or signs can help if spoken language is still developing.

3. Look for patterns and identify triggers

One incident may not reveal much, but repeated patterns can help you and the daycare team figure out what your toddler needs. If they are repeatedly hitting or biting at daycare, ask their teachers to help you identify what happens before each incident. Instead of focusing only on the behavior, look at the circumstances surrounding it.

❓ What happened before the incident?

 👉 What might help? 

Here are some real life examples using these prompts:

• If another child takes a toy. 
  • 👉 Provide closer supervision and help children navigate turns.
• If the classroom becomes loud and busy. 
  • 👉 Offer a quieter space or a short break. 
• If your toddler is tired or hungry. 
  • 👉 Review the timing of snacks, meals, and rest.

4. Work with daycare providers on a consistent plan

If your toddler is hitting or biting at daycare, you don't have to figure everything out all on your own. Your child's teachers see them in a group setting and may notice patterns that aren't apparent at home. You can share what you have observed, learn more from what you haven’t observed, and agree on strategies that everyone can use.

Consider discussing:

• When and where the behavior most often occurs
• Whether particular activities, transitions, or social situations seem to trigger it
• How teachers respond when an incident occurs
• What language teachers use to reinforce boundaries
• Which replacement behaviors your toddler is learning

5. Reinforce gentle behavior throughout the day

It's easy for hitting and biting to become the focus of everyone's attention. But your toddler also needs to know what they're doing well. Notice and acknowledge moments when they play gently, ask for something, wait their turn instead of hitting.

You might say:

• "I noticed you touched your friend gently."
• "You were frustrated, and you came to get help."
• “You waited patiently. I’m proud of you for that.”

When should I worry about my toddler’s aggressive behavior?

Your child’s pediatrician can help you consider whether factors such as language development, sensory needs, stress, or other developmental differences might be contributing to the behavior. Consider speaking to them if the behavior is:

• Frequent
• Severe
• Worsening
• Causing repeated injuries
• Continuing despite consistent support

📃 To learn more about how anger develops in kids, check out our past blog: How do kids develop anger issues? Knowing the causes and how to help

Helping your child learn safer ways to communicate

Your child’s behavior doesn't define them, and it doesn't mean you've failed as a parent. Toddlers are learning how to navigate a world full of big feelings, new experiences, and social expectations. They need adults to help them understand boundaries and practice safer ways to express what they need. Start by looking for patterns, partnering with daycare teachers, and choosing one skill to practice at home.