5 Holiday Parenting Tips to Keep Joy High and Stress Low

Everyone loves the holidays. You get time off work, you see family, you get presents, the world quiets down for a bit and at the same time, it can be a whirlwind of stress. From travel plans to family expectations to your kids going crazy because they’ve devoured every candy they can find, the “most wonderful time of the year” can make you feel frazzled to the core.

We’ve all heard people say, “Oh, but it doesn't have to be that way.” And it’s often simpler said than done. Truthfully, with a little planning, it doesn’t have to be that way. The key is not doing more, it’s doing what matters most.

Here are five practical, psychologically smart tips to help you stay grounded, present, and joyful this holiday season.

💡 Key takeaways

• Research from The Family Dinner Project shows that shared family meals are linked to stronger communication skills and emotional health in children.
• Keeping small routines and quiet moments during the holidays helps kids feel grounded when everything else feels busy.
• The memories that matter most come from connection, laughter, and presence, not perfection.

1. Set realistic expectations (and then lower them)

Commercials like to depict the holidays as a time when the perfect family in perfect sweaters sits down by the perfect fire, everyone smiling with a cup of hot chocolate in their hands. Sometimes they’re even wearing personalized Santa hats. In reality, kids get overstimulated, relatives have opinions, and parents run on four hours of sleep.

Parents need to keep a close eye on their tendency towards Perfectionism. There’s never a need to be perfect, but particularly so when you’re juggling the many demands of the holiday times. Joy isn’t a byproduct of meeting everyone’s needs and holding on tight to the idea that everything needs to run smoothly; rather, it comes from imperfection and being present. 

Try this at home:
💬 Before the holidays begin, ask yourself: What do I really want my family to remember? 

Maybe it’s laughter around the table, or simply feeling calm instead of chaotic. Once you name your priority, let it guide your decisions, from how many events you attend to how much you cook.

Lowering expectations doesn’t mean lowering joy, in reality, it allows us to make more room for it.

2. Protect your family’s routine

When kids know what to expect, there are less meltdowns. Predictability and kids are like peanut butter and jelly. Holiday seasons are no exception. This is a time when the nights run later, the meals are erratic, and the constant activity can throw their systems off, and yours too. See if you can maintain slivers of your normal routine. This will help with everyone’s emotional regulation.

That might mean keeping bedtime within an hour of normal, scheduling quiet downtime between events, or sticking to familiar snacks and meals when possible.

Try this at home:
Use “holiday anchors:” which are consistent touchpoints that help kids feel secure. A morning cuddle before the day starts, reading a bedtime story no matter where you are, or taking a family walk after dinner. These small rituals signal safety and stability, even when the schedule shifts.

3. Plan for emotional overload

When you get everyone together, there is the potential for big emotions, high and low. Excitement, disappointment, overstimulation, and sometimes grief or loneliness. Kids - and adults - may act out, melt down, or seem ungrateful due to the stress of the season. 

Brace yourself for them mentally. Kids often communicate their needs through their behavior. Look for the signals that indicate: “I’m tired,” “I’m overwhelmed,” or “I need help calming down.”

Try this at home:
When things get heated, pause and name what’s happening:
💬 “I can see you’re feeling really frustrated. Let’s take a break.”

Then model emotional regulation skills like taking a deep breath, going on a short walk, or using a calm voice. Kids mirror your energy. If you stay grounded, they learn that even big emotions can be managed safely.

And don’t forget your own emotions. Build in moments for yourself whether it's a few quiet minutes in the car, a walk alone, or one skipped event. Your calm is the family’s compass.

4. Focus on connection over consumption

This is the time of giving but there’s also over-giving. The desire to make the holidays magical and memorable can easily turn into over-spending and over-doing. This is when we can rely on good old research, which indicates that kids remember feelings and moments rather than specific presents. 

Try this at home:

• Start a simple family ritual like baking together, watching a favorite movie, lighting candles, or writing kind notes to each other.
• Let kids help give, not just receive. They can do this through activities like donating toys, baking for neighbors, or choosing a charity together builds empathy and gratitude.
• When gift-giving does happen, slow it down. Have kids open one gift at a time, noticing and appreciating each one.

Connection, not consumption, is what creates emotional warmth that lasts.

5. Give yourself permission to say no

You may feel the pressure to say “yes” to everything and everyone. If what you’re saying “yes” to, though, doesn't align with your intentions and desires, it will lead to burnout. 

A healthy mantra for this time of year is: Boundaries are not selfish. In fact, they’re what keep you regulated and present. Saying no to something or someone that doesn’t work for you opens the door to more “yes”’s that can lead to rest, laughter, or time that actually fills your cup.

Try this at home:
💬 Before you commit, pause and ask, Does this align with what my family really needs right now? 

If not, it’s okay to decline or to simplify. 

A holiday season that feels like you

The important thing to remember is the holidays don’t have to be perfect to be wonderful. They just need to make sense for you and your family. Your kiddos won’t remember the table setting, but they’ll remember the emotions, the laughter, and how you made the season joyful.

So give yourself permission to redefine what “holiday magic” looks like. The best gift you can give your child is a parent who feels present, grounded, and emotionally connected.